“Should I freeze my eggs?”

Written By maddy

Few days ago, I asked on Instagram- where the majority (84%) of my 265,000 following are women from a wide range of age 18 to 55- about their thoughts on egg freezing. Personally, as a 30-year old at a crossroads with this very expensive, seemingly daunting option with a time limit on it, it was invaluable insight to be able to hear from so many women with different perspectives. Here are the DMs that I compiled anonymously, in hopes that it helps you too. There are a ton of articles, facts, information out there that you can find. But I hope this page feels like a room full of women, sharing their thoughts and experiences. I hope it helps you feel less lonely in contemplating the question, and gives you a chance to hear from women of different stages in life.

At the very bottom, I have some links to podcasts that some of you also recommended to me, that I will also be putting in my to-do list. (NPR podcast and article looks promising to me)


*This is mainly a conversation around the topic of “should I freeze my eggs?” rather than the question of, “do I want kids?”- I sorted out the stories by different topics. (contemplation, pro-freezing, “anti”-freezing, regret of not freezing, in process of freezing, have done freezing before, personal anecdotes)

***I did not edit any of the DMs, please take into account these were sent to me privately in a safe space, and were originally not meant to be public statements. Personal anecdotes can give us an idea or impressions, but everyone’s body is different. for any clinical questions or questions regarding your own body, please consult a OBGYN! (take the advice/ perspective with a grain of salt!)

First, here are the messages I got from

[Women who are contemplating egg freezing, like me]

  • same. I think I want to freeze eggs just in case that I would regret at a later age but feeling very lost on the research and also confused on actual process. Need group support!!

  • Thank you! I also have been casually considering the same for the last couple years but have not actively done anything about it yet and now at 30, I feel like I should

  • I am so curious to read, I am 29, I would easily enjoy another decade child free like the book says because I love the time spent on my own, I do have the best time always by myself. But on the other hand it feels if I do not do it in a couple of years it will start to go downhill... Can't wait to read all perspectives, thank you for using your community to collect all the opinions!

  • Hi Maddy! I appreciate this so much! This was a conversation I just had yesterday with my spouse. We both want kids bit the timing just doesn't feel right, yet my biological time is "running close" to when it gets more difficult. I look forward to reading your blog and any insights you might share :) thank you!

  • Thank you for sharing this, Maddy! I’m 27 and this is something that I’ve been thinking about as well. It does feel rather lonely, watching as my classmates get married and have children, one by one, until I’m the last one left. But I would regret it more if I married the wrong person and had their children so I’m staying true to the standards that I’ve set and waiting. 

  • I would say you are not alone in debating the egg-freezing option and thinking about the concept of regret; I'm in my early 30's and know this is a good time to do it, but also not in the financial state where this is a true "no-brainer", so i'm pretty torn; at the moment I don't want kids, but who knows what i will feel 10 years from now? Sigh

  • It is daunting - however you learn to realize that everyone’s path is different and most importantly what you thought in your 20s may be a different version of you and that’s okay too. I definitely don’t want to do it alone but doesn’t mean I want to give up on kids completely! There are other options (adoption, surrogacy), and I’d rather be happy with those choices than rush myself into decisions just to beat a timeline (even if it’s my own body :)) Atleast that’s where I’m at today. Hang in there! xo,(Almost 31 year)

[Women who encourage egg freezing]

  • Maddy!!! I’m a huge proponent of freezing eggs. I wished I did that when I was in my late 20s. I’m so serious about it that I will give this option as a gift to my daughter when she’s older. This is something you do for YOU - for your peace of mind, for your future, for your independence. Wish you the best always!

  • If you have an inkling that you might want children in the future, and are able to do egg freezing and not against the concept, then I’d highly recommend looking into it earlier rather than later. Would also look into a clinic with high SART rate to do egg freezing, since that’ll be useful when you might need to use them in the future. There are also other options in the future though if you really do want children and your ‘biological timeline’ has passed, such as using donor eggs and adoption, and technology is also continuing to improve, if you would be open to those.

  • I worked at an OBGYN office as a medical assistant for 9 years. There were women who froze their eggs and didn't use them. There were women who froze them single, and later got married and were glad because they were 39/40 then. If the "consequences" is that you might have to resist to a donor egg later in life or adoption, and you are ok/open about that, great! But if you think it could mean you regretted not doing it, now is the time. It doesn't mean you are obligated to use them. But it gives you the option for later IVF. Freeze them, and then when you’re ready whether solo or with a partner, you’re in a good spot. You can do the egg harvesting on your own! I know you can ✨💪

  • Do it!!! Think of it as insurance. No one wants to pay for insurance but they’re glad they have it when they need it. It’s an entirely practical decision. The procedure itself is difficult but it’s even more difficult to struggle through infertility while your clock is ticking (I went through IVF at 35). Also, freezing your eggs suspend them at whatever age you went through your procedure, lowering risks of genetic abnormalities that are associated with later in life pregnancies. The storage fees are reasonable especially since this is something you’ll pay for like a term life insurance. It’s not forever. Just for the next 5-10 years, probably. Just a thought!

[neutral, additional insight]

  •  I have seen it all: those freezing their eggs and being able to use them later; those freezing their eggs but finding out through many rounds of IVF that it is just not meant to be (probably the most heartbreaking thing I have seen), those regretting not freezing their eggs, those freezing their eggs but then ended up conceiving, and recently a friend of mine who froze her eggs decided to donate them instead because she never got to the point of wanting to have her own kids… My point is, whatever you decide, it is your own journey so take your time and do not stress over it. Whatever will be will be! Sending you lights and love ✨

[Women who wish they had frozen their eggs]

  • I’m 36 and I wish I had been aware of egg freezing early on. My husband and I have been trying for 3 years with 1 year of IVF and it hasn’t been going well. If I knew about my options I would have chosen a different route!

  • Please consider freezing your eggs now if you want children in the future! I met my husband later in life and got married at 38. It hasn’t been easy trying to get pregnant. Even IVF becomes more difficult because of advanced maternal age.

  • I’m 43, been trying to get pregnant for several years now. Have gone through 3 rounds of IVF/egg retrieval and ended up with a single (ONE) genetically healthy embryo. And not for lack of ovarian reserves. I have a lot of eggs. But, again, I’m 43 and my eggs are also 43. This isn’t about judging someone for their timeline or about urging someone to have a baby if they’re not 100% sure, but if there’s a chance you want a baby and you’re considering freezing eggs, my advice is DO IT. It just buys you time and expands your options when you are ready, whether it’s by yourself or w a partner. I wish someone had told me this 10 years ago.

  • Thanks for sharing such a personal thought. Turning 35 this year, married 10 years, and don’t regret all this time I’ve enjoyed my life without kids, but I think I took for granted that the biological timeline was a given. I am now in the process of IVF and learning that there are many women who’s clocks run at a different pace, or even time out faster than they thought. It’s been a good lesson at learning to be present to the sweet things I have now, instead of always looking at what’s the next new thing will be because nothing is a guarantee. And honestly, though I have the best, most wonderful and supportive partner in my IVF journey, I have found the most comfort, camaraderie and support in my girl friends. Women supporting women is truly magical.

[“Maybe don’t freeze your eggs”]

  • Not egg freezing. But I naturally conceived later in life. Had first kid at age 36 and second at 40!

  • You have more time than you think. Many women give birth in their 30s and 40s.

  • I’ve been shook looking at the success rates of egg freezing. It’s actually lower than it seems, and for the expense I’m not sure if it’s worth it

[Women who have Decided to, and in process of egg freezing]

  •  Hi Maddy! I’m 32 and about to freeze my eggs in the next couple of weeks. Ideally I didn’t want to do this alone and am still nervous about it, but the pros outweigh the cons for me. My friends tell me it will be really empowering and I’m looking forward to dating with a weight off my shoulders ☺️

  • Maddy! Im starting my first egg freezing cycle in May, already done with initial bloodwork etc. I felt exactly the same way as you in my 20s, and (as we discussed) things obviously didn’t pan out as planned with the recent breakup, but I actually feel super empowered doing this. I feel like this is one of the biggest (and most expensive 😂 ) things I am electing and able to do, solely for myself. Also regarding that passage - I agree generally but I also think its missing another layer to it, esp when it comes to optionality preservation. My view is that unless you know FOR SURE you won’t regret NOT having kids, you should definitely freeze your eggs assuming it’s within your financial means. Partners are hard to time but fertility clock ticks regardless. Especially with the option to preserve, the irreversibility of it all makes it a no brainer (at least for me!) to have the option down the road if and when I’m ready, which to me includes a partner. 

  • And dont feel like youre alone in this! So many of my friends have done it, partnered or unpartnered. I heard it helps a LOT that another female is supporting you not male 😂

[Women who froze their eggs before]

  • I got my eggs frozen twice last year at 36. I went to Columbia Fertility in NYC and they were great. It wasn’t as emotional as I thought it would be and all the injections and meds weren’t too bad. Have to admit though that I was tired as hell every single day tho. Happy to share more if you need some more info/perspective. Also, I think you’re in your early 30s? Honestly you’ve got time!! Don’t stress.

    • The total for each session was about 9k. My insurance did cover most of it. Basically I had to pay up to my deductible and then they covered the rest of it. You should look into if that’s an option for you. I do have to pay for storage out of pocket every year after the first year which is not cheap. 1.5k yearly for my eggs to be kept on ice.

    • I did 2 sessions because the first session I didn’t extract as many eggs as I wanted for a chance for a viable birth in the future. Basically the doctor will give you stats on x amount of eggs = % of a chance for a viable birth.

    • The injections themselves were annoying but tolerable. I did them all on my own and it was surprisingly not too bad. The hormones didn’t affect me too much but I was extra sleepy every day. The process lasts about 10 days and then they take your eggs out. You have to do ultrasounds about every day. That was the most strenuous part, just getting up early and going into the doctors office. The procedure itself is fine and is consider minor surgery. They do put you out during extraction. After you def need a chaperone to get you home. Also do not attempt to take the subway!! I considered myself to be especially tough and planned to do subway but after waking up I was groggy and so out of it. Def had to get an Uber. Recovery was 2 days for me even tho they say you can go back to work the next day. After the 3rd day I had some bloating and minor cramps but 99% back to normal. Overall a bit weird to have ppl digging down there. But they did gave me excellent morphine tho!!

    • As for what I wish I knew beforehand… you DO have plenty of time for kids but if you have the funds and time to do it you should do it sooner than later. I wish I had done it earlier to get some of the annoyances out of the way and I believed some of previous jobs had better insurance coverage. Also start talking to your insurance rep. Shockingly a lot can get covered by insurance but they just don’t advertise it.

    • Also insurance will bill you for a lot of left over meds you might not use. I’m not sure how but if you have a friend or friend of friend who has left over fertility meds, try to get some to lessen the cost. Oh and I think you are a dentist. If you have access to subcutaneous needles, then make sure that they don’t mail them to you and bill you. Overall I was surprised at the access in waste and left over meds.

    • Also I had some weird shyness or maybe shame in doing the whole thing. Besides my therapist, I didn’t tell anyone but afterwards I started telling ppl and realizing that a lot of my friends are thinking of doing the same. There’s no shame in it and it definitely doesn’t mean you are not where you should or shouldn’t be in life. Getting your eggs frozen also doesn’t guarantee a kid in the future but it does help me feel way less pressure about having one now.

    • Also found my doctor thru https://www.fertilityiq.com/ which is like a yelp for fertility

  • Freeze your eggs! I had to do it as a precaution before starting chemo at 28. It will be different circumstances for everyone…. My experience with it was terrible since I was probably very fertile and still had to go thru the the process but there is nothing wrong with having them ready for when you’re ready! My sisters pregnancy at 33 vs 38 was so drastic so I can see that once we’re over 35 our bodies handle things differently! I don’t regret doing it… but because I’ve had cancer I just have a totally different outlook on life now and my experience was terrible I wouldn’t put myself through it again!

  • Hi, I don't know how I missed this. I've done a total of 9 egg retrievals starting in my 30s and into my 40s. I started when it was taboo and had absolutely no support from friends and family when I started my retrievals. They thought I was not trusting God and wasting money. Luckily, I found 2 great Korean American female doctors (after speaking with multiple doctors) who understood where I was coming from, gave me sound advice, and were incredibly supportive and compassionate throughout the process.

  • That passage is pretty powerful. My cousin froze her eggs awhile ago because she knew she wanted to be a mom some day. She is an amazing person, world traveler, someone who lives life to the fullest but wasn’t having luck finding the right partner. Now she is in her 40s and just got engaged. We are all so happy for her that she had the foresight to make that decision awhile ago.

[Cost-related messages]

  • I would suggest you do it! If you can afford to do it or see if insurance will pay for some of it. You just don’t know what’s gonna happen in the future safe than sorry.

  • (from the previous messages) The total for each session was about 9k. My insurance did cover most of it. Basically I had to pay up to my deductible and then they covered the rest of it. You should look into if that’s an option for you. I do have to pay for storage out of pocket every year after the first year which is not cheap. 1.5k yearly for my eggs to be kept on ice.

[Women who didn’t freeze their eggs, with no regret]

  • I remember being obsessed with this question, but ultimately your gut leads you to the right path and you can live any choice without regret. I ultimately did not have kids and have zero regret. I think there is a bit of parents needing to justify their decisions because parenting is hard. If I end up wanting some youth in my life I can foster and don’t need to spread my own genetic material to build meaningful relationships. That’s my own way of justifying my choices 😀

[Women who found support in other women]

  • honestly, though I have the best, most wonderful and supportive partner in my IVF journey, I have found the most comfort, camaraderie and support in my girl friends. Women supporting women is truly magical.

  • So many of my friends have done it, partnered or unpartnered. I heard it helps a LOT that another female is supporting you not male 😂

[Health-related precautions]

  • I may not have insight on what it's Iike to do it alone but when you're ready, be sure to look at egg retrieval prep to help reduce a syndrome call OHSS. And what to expect afterwards. You can experience bloating and pain. Wishing you best of luck.

[Podcast recommendations]

maddy
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